


To Be A Vampire

by SiredToFandoms



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bonnie Bennett & Damon Salvatore Friendship, Caroline Forbes & Damon Salvatore Friendship, Dead Stefan Salvatore, Gen, Human Damon Salvatore, Human Elena Gilbert, Hurt Damon Salvatore, Protective Damon Salvatore, Vampire Caroline Forbes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:29:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26578357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiredToFandoms/pseuds/SiredToFandoms
Summary: What happens when a Cured vampire starts missing who he used to be? After nearly two hundred years, it's to be expected... right? AU set three years after 8x16. ONGOING
Relationships: Bonnie Bennett/Lorenzo "Enzo" St. John, Caroline Forbes/Stefan Salvatore, Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. Small Things

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this is my first multi-cahapter TVD FanFic, so please be nice!

**Hey!! So, this is my first TVD LongFic, so apologies if it isn't what you expect.  
THIS IS AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE SET THREE YEARS AFTER 8X16.   
Any warnings that apply, they'll go at the start of each chapter.**

_"Wanna come over for a drink?"_  
"Are you kidding me? It's 3 in the afternoon!"  
 _"Damon, I have had... a really long day and I do not wanna go to the Grill."_  
Damon sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before replying. "Fine. But Rick?"   
_"Yeah?"_  
"You're an ass." Damon heard Alaric chuckle as he hit the red 'end call' button. He stood up from the couch, where he previously been reading Fifty Shades of Grey, and slipped his favourite pair of motorcycle boots on before shouting up the stairs of the Salvatore Boarding House. "Elena?" There was a few seconds silence then; "yeah? I'm in the shower!" Damon chuckled and couldn't help but smirk at the thought of his love showering. "I'm going over to Rick's for a drink, I won't be too late!"   
"Alright, I love you!" He heard Elena call. Damon smiled to himself and threw on his leather jacket.   
"I love you too!" He shouted back before leaving the Boarding House.

"Wow, you came." Alaric said as he opened the door. His hair was slightly dishevelled and he had light bags under his eyes.   
"You call, I come. You look a mess, Rick." Alaric scoffed as he stepped back to allow Damon on the premises. "Ooh, bourbon! And you got my favourite!" Damon exclaimed as he spotted the bottle on the coffee table. Alaric poured them a half glass each and both men sighed as they collapsed onto the couches opposite one another, the table standing between them. "What's that?" Damon asked, pointing across the room at what looks the be an old metal safe.   
"It's a safe, found it at an old witch-burning site. I've been tryna get into it all afternoon, but it just doesn't wanna open." Damon sighed again and stood up, putting his glass on the table and walking over to the safe.   
"Lucky you've got me as a friend then." He said, taking the handle and trying to snap it off. "Hang on." He tried again, then he remembered. Both men fell silent as realisation dawned in Damon's eyes. "Right. Human. No strength." Damon said a minute later, breaking the silence. "Thought I got used to having no powers, haven't done anything like that in over a year." He didn't admit it out loud, but Damon felt a sense of loss when he couldn't open the safe. He pushed it to the back of his mind- he was happy being human.

Damon sat back down on the couch and downed the rest of his drink in one mouthful. Together over the next few hours, he and Alaric drank the rest of the bourbon, exchanging conversation about everything and nothing. Alaric's work at the Armoury, Damon's relationship with Elena, the twins, Elena's hints at marriage. By the time the conversation died out, it was six in the evening and Damon was starting to feel fuzzy in the head. "Maybe you should call a cab, don't want you driving in this state." Damon shook his head. "Nah, Elena'll be around here, I'll ask her if she can take me home." He replied, pulling his phone out of his pocket and hitting Elena on speed dial.

 _"Hey, you ok?"_ She answered with.   
"Yeah. Are you nearby? Rick and I downed a whole bottle of my favourite bourbon so I don't wanna drive." He could practically feel Elena smirking through the screen.   
_"Yeah, Bonnie picked me up anyway. I'm at the Grill, so I'll be there in ten."_ Damon nodded and hummed as he smiled.   
"Thank you, I love you." He heard Elena reply the same, then hung up and turned to Alaric. "She's at the Grill, she'll be here in ten." Alaric nodded and gestured towards the safe.   
"Also, Caroline already tried breaking the handle off. I had to attach it back on because it did nothing." Damon huffed and muttered "powers are useless anyway" under his breath.   
"Alright, I'm gonna wait outside for Elena. I'll see you around, Rick." Damon said, opening the door. Alaric lifted a hand in a wave from the couch as Damon left the apartment, closing the door behind him.

Once outside the apartment block, Damon heard people whispering around the corner. Curious, he reached out with his hearing so he could listen, only it didn't work. Damon tried a few more times before he realised he'd done it again- used his ex-abilities without even thinking about it. Damon took a deep, steadying breath. The incident with the safe had affected him more than he cared to admit, even to himself. He was right- it had been over a year since the last time he had tried to instinctively use his powers... and now he had done it twice in the space of three hours. This time, he didn't push away the sense of loss he felt when he failed to hear the whispering couple, but rather let himself feel it for a few seconds. Why was he doing this? He didn't miss being a vampire... did he?

Damon was saved from answering these thoughts by Bonnie's car pulling up in front of him. "Thanks for the ride." Elena said to Bonnie as she got out of the passenger side. Damon and Bonnie waved at each other, then Bonnie drove away. "Hey! Whoa, are you alright? You look a little pale." Elena said, reaching up to cup his face. Damon took her hand in both of his and kissed it.   
"I'm alright, just had a few drinks, is all. How do you say we get home?" Elena smiled and kissed his fingertips before interlocking their hands.   
"Where's your car?" With his free hand, Damon gestured up the street.   
"Somewhere down there, there were no parking spaces around here so I had to go further down." He said and they started the short walk up the dimly lit road. "What were you doing at the Grill?" Damon asked.

He heard Elena talking, replying, but all he could think about was the incident with the safe and the whispers. He had tried to use his powers twice in one day. He refused to admit he missed them, because he didn't. He was perfectly happy living his normal life with Elena like he promised her. So why was it that he felt so disheartened when he realised he couldn't do the things he used to be able to? Damon pushed that thought as far back in his mind as he could. He couldn't let doubt creep into his system, he was past that. It had taken him a few months to get used to not having those abilities anymore, but he had eventually gotten over the feeling of failure that enveloped him every time he tried to use one of them.

"Hey, you still with me?" Damon blinked a few times and mentally shook himself when he noticed they had reached his car. Elena had clearly been trying to get his attention for a while- she was stood in front of him, waving her hand in front of his face and looking slightly concerned. "Hm? Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's go." He made to reach for the passenger door, but Elena grabbed his hand to stop him.   
"Are you okay? Be honest because this isn't just the drinks. It's been three years, Damon. The last time you were like this was just after-!" Elena caught herself, stopping short when Damon met her eyes.   
"Just after Stefan died. Yeah, Elena, I know. Can we just go home please? This alcohol is making wanna pass out and not wake up for a _month_." Damon replied. Elena let go of his hand and he slipped into the seat, accidentally slamming the door behind him in his agitation. Truth was, he wanted to go home so he could read his book and forget he ever even tried to use his old abilities.

The drive back to the Boarding House was silent. Damon could feel Elena occasionally shooting him concerned glances, so he kept his face neutral and tried not to think about what he was potentially feeling. He couldn't allow himself to start missing being a vampire- there was no way around the Cure so it would be a useless feeling anyway.

Damon looked out of the window at the streets, taking a trip down memory lane in his mind. Tom's bakery... he and Stefan used to buy cakes and cookies from there when they were kids. Giuseppe never allowed them, but Tom never told when they ran in with mischievous grins on their faces. The long line of stores that sold everything from fresh fruit and veg to mobile phone accessories... a couple of months before everything went to pot with Cade and Sybil, Damon had chased Stefan along those rooftops, jumping from building to building and laughing as though they were kids playing tag. Damon smiled fondly at the memory, remembering how they had had to stop because Damon got his foot caught in a telephone wire mid-jump and face planted onto the next roof, leaving Stefan literally rolling on the floor, clutching his sides as he gasped for breath through his laughter.

 _"It wasn't_ that _funny, Stef." Damon snarled as he clicked his broken nose back into place. Stefan heaved in a huge breath then burst out into fresh laughter.  
"It... was. Oh my god, you should have seen the way you_ fell _!" Stefan wheezed out another laugh and held his torso. Damon tried and failed to conceal his own laughter, kicking Stefan lightly in the ribs.  
"Come on, let's keep going. Got a whole other row of stores to go over yet."_

"Damon?" Damon blinked again and they were home. He then realised that Elena was already outside of the car, waiting for him to get out.   
"Hm? Oh, sorry. Away with the fairies." He opened the door and got out of the car, taking Elena's hand when she looked him worriedly. "I'm fine, you don't need to stress over me. Just had a drink and I'm tired, I was daydreaming." Elena locked the car and they started walking to the front door, still holding hands. "Daydreaming? About what?" Damon sighed.   
"That time Stefan and I ran on the store rooftops. You know, the one I told you about?"  
"When you got your foot caught in that wire then managed to get a video of Stefan actually laughing?" Damon chuckled and pulled out his house keys.   
"Yeah, yeah that one." He said as he unlocked the door and stepped over the threshold with a sigh. "Do you still have that video?" Damon shrugged and took his jacket off. He kicked off his boots, then jumped onto the couch and took his phone out of his pocket. "I might do."

Elena made coffee as Damon scrolled through his phone gallery, glancing at each video thumbnail before finding the one he was looking for. "Got it!" He called when Elena walked in with two steaming mugs. Damon swung his legs over the front of the couch so they could sit side by side and see Damon's screen.

 _"What's so funny, Stefan?" Damon asked behind the camera.  
"You! You were so confident with your jump then... oh my god... I think your life... ha ha... flashed before your eyes!" Stefan gasped out, then wheezed again. Damon laughed heartily as he recorded- watching Stefan rolling on the rooftop holding his ribs was hilarious. "It wasn't _that _funny, come on!" That only made Stefan laugh more. He tried to get onto his hands and knees, but his elbows gave out beneath him and his face hit the ground.  
"Ha ha ha, this is great... ARE YOU RECORDING ME?" Stefan shouted, sitting up and gaping at his brother.   
"Yep." Damon replied, dragging out the 'y' and popping the 'p'.   
"You_ ass _, Damon!" Stefan shouted, standing up and slapping his brother's shoulder. Damon chuckled, then Stefan grinned._

The video ended there. Damon looked at the frozen snippet for a while, admiring Stefan's smiling face. "He was truly happy that night. It was probably the most fun we'd had together in a hundred and fifty years." Damon said quietly after a minute. "I wish you were there to see the aftermath." Elena looked at him, puzzled. "What happened? I don't think you told me that part." Damon smiled down at picture Stefan one last time, then clicked his phone off and stretched out on the couch, Elena curling up next to him.

"We both got drunk. Rick had to come and get us from the Grill after Stefan called him, I was too busy laughing at something, then Rick all but threw us through the door and eventually gave up on trying to get us to go upstairs. Stefan and I both woke up the next afternoon in the entrance hallway. I was laying like a star, sideways on top of his legs with his head resting on my hand. I woke up first, so I slapped him awake." Elena giggled at the image, then her face grew solemn, almost pitying.

"You miss him, don't you? That's what's going on with you, you're missing him?" Damon remained silent, although his thoughts were racing. Yes he missed Stefan, of course he missed Stefan. He missed the stupid grin he had when he was drunk, the constant brooding, his dumb Hero Hair and everything else that made Stefan... Stefan. One thing Damon regretted was not being a good older brother for Stefan. True, he was when they were younger, but Damon really hated himself for making a hundred and forty five years of Stefan's life a misery. He wished he'd gone by what Stefan had wanted- to be brothers for eternity. Instead, Damon had tossed that aside to go after a woman who he then loved... a woman who turned out to be a manipulative, lying bitch. "He's my brother, Elena, how could I not?" Before Elena could reply, Damon took his arms from around her and stood up. "Come on, we'll go to bed, it's getting late." He said, despite it being barely 8 in the evening.

Damon took a quick shower, then changed into a pair of soft, black sweatpants and climbed into bed next to Elena. They held onto each other, Elena burying her face in Damon's chest while Damon rested his chin on top of her head. _See, this is what you wanted. You don't need to be a vampire to be happy_. He told himself. _But this happiness would be amplified if you were_. The contradicting voice in his head replied. Damon physically flinched, making Elena look up at him in surprise. "You okay?" Damon smiled down at her.   
"Yeah. Yeah just dozed off, started dreaming and something made me jump." He lied easily. He felt Elena quiver as she tried to hold back a laugh. "Shut up." He muttered lightheartedly, making her snort and giggle into his shirt.

He didn't know why he was keeping this from Elena- he should probably tell her. He and Elena were closer than ever, especially now they knew they had limited time together. Damon didn't like lying to her, in fact he hated it, but something was telling him she wouldn't like what he was feeling. She would blame herself, think it's because of her, that she had pushed him into making the wrong decision when in actual fact it had nothing to do with her. Damon didn't want Elena to feel guilty for something that was his own making, yet he still felt like he should talk to her about it. Talking to her might even make the thoughts go away, she might help him see reason. But Damon didn't want her to worry.

Once Elena had drifted off to sleep, Damon couldn't help but let his thoughts wander to the events of the day. How had he managed to forget he was human twice in the space of just a few hours? Yeah, there were parts of him that missed being a vampire. After all, being a vampire made doing certain things so much easier. Things like sex, for instance. He nearly laughed aloud at that thought. God, he missed the no-procreation rule.

He and Elena had had a momentary panic, the first night they were left alone together, when they forgot to use protection. The couple of weeks afterwards were filled with several pregnancy tests and doctor's appointments before they were both satisfied that Elena wasn't pregnant and they had got lucky. Now, the top drawer of Damon's dresser was filled with boxes of condoms, morning after pills and plan Bs. Both Damon and Elena agreed protection sucks. After all, Elena had only ever slept with people who didn't have to use it and Damon had only ever used it twice with some of the first condoms ever made.

Hours later, Damon finally felt his eyelids getting heavy and he gave in to the exhaustion.

_A sharp stab in his neck made him gasp. Damon fell to the ground as Stefan withdrew the syringe from his throat and he felt himself being dragged back into the alcove. Damon watched, horrified, as Stefan wrestled Katherine to the entrance way, in direct line of the upcoming Hellfire. "Burn in hell." Stefan growled viciously as he stabbed Katherine in the chest. Damon reached out, desperate to pull his brother to safety and take his place, but he was too far away... he was too weak. Whatever Stefan had injected him with was acting fast, Damon already had blackness hugging the edges of his vision. He was terrified he was going to lose Stefan, Damon had failed him enough times already, now he couldn't even do this one thing for his little brother. He tried to call out, tried to shout at Stefan to get back and away from the death trap, but he couldn't make his vocal chords work. Damon's eyelids felt like lead, they were so heavy, his heart felt even heavier at the possibility of watching Stefan burn to death. As Damon let his eyes finally close, he heard Stefan whisper his last words. "Goodbye, brother." Damon heard the roar of the Hellfire, saw the orange glow through his eyelids and felt a heavy sense of dread and guilt. He'd failed his brother. It was with that thought that Damon, at long last, reached out to the blackness and allowed it to envelope him._

Damon woke with a start, gasping and clutching at his chest as he fought with the blankets around his torso. "Damon! Damon, hey, it's okay. Damon, look at me." Elena said gently, taking Damon by the bicep. Damon ignored her and put his head between his knees, taking deep, shaking breaths. "Hey, what's going on? Are you alright?" Damon waved her away.   
"Fine. 'M fine, go back to sleep." He said, his voice slightly muffled by the blankets.   
"No, Damon, talk to me. What's going on?" Damon looked up from the blankets with a groan, sighed, then spoke in a voice barely above a whisper.   
"Stefan. Stefan happened." Elena was silent for a beat, then rubbed Damon's bicep comfortingly.   
"Oh, Damon. Was it the same thing again?" Damon nodded and leaned into her soothing embrace, resting his head on her left shoulder and closing his stinging eyes as she ran her fingers through his hair. They sat in silence for a few minutes while Damon calmed his racing heart and tried to get the image of Stefan in those last moments out of his head.

"I'm really glad you got the Cure." Elena murmured, breaking the silence. "It gives us a chance at a normal life, to have kids and grow old together." Damon stayed quiet. "I'm forever grateful for you doing that, choosing to take the Cure to be with me in a normal life. I know it's not something you ever even contemplated before, I'm just thankful we got the chance." In that moment, Damon decided he wasn't going to tell Elena. He missed being a vampire, but he would get over it for her. Elena was happy, enjoying the way they were living and glad it was as normal life as they could get and that would be good enough for him. He doesn't need healing powers or extra speed to love Elena and their life together. If Elena was happy, then so was he, so he could and would get over this ridiculous phase and forget about it forever.

**Wahey, that's the first chapter. I'm not gonna lie, if I've stuck with my original plan, then I've already written out all 17 of the chapters and I'm just gonna occasionally upload them one by one, so stay tuned for chapter two!!  
Reviews welcome, thanks for reading,  
Isaac :))**


	2. Bigger Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No summary, just read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hey!! Here's the second chapter!!  
>  WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF ATTEMPTED RAPE AND IMPLICATIONS OF SEX**

_Previously...  
In that moment, Damon decided he wasn't going to tell Elena. He missed being a vampire, but he would get over it for her. Elena was happy, enjoying the way they were living and glad it was as normal life as they could get and that would be good enough for him. He doesn't need healing powers or extra speed to love Elena and their life together. If Elena was happy, then so was he, so he could and would get over this ridiculous phase and forget about it forever._

Damon didn't know what was going on with him. It had been a whole two days since he tried to open the safe, and yet he still found himself thinking about it. He had everything he wanted, didn't he? Elena and him were able to live a normal life, something no vampire has ever had before. He got a second chance, a fresh start, so why was he so troubled? He rolled over in bed to look at his still-sleeping girlfriend. She was lying in an incredibly undignified position- her face red and squashed up against her hand, hair messy and a trail of drool slipping out of the corner of her slightly open mouth. Yet Damon thought she was the most beautiful thing on the planet- and she was his. In the future, they were going to get married, have kids. And still, Damon found himself missing certain aspects of his old life.

Damon turned back over, thinking about what he used to have. Supernatural speed, strength, senses. He was afraid to admit it, but he missed them all. That and the healing, of course. "Hey." He heard Elena say quietly behind him. She placed her hand gently on his shoulder, but he stayed still. "You okay?" Damon didn't say anything, but he nodded his head ever so slightly. "You sure? What's going on? You've been like this a lot lately." Damon turned his head to face her and forced the usual smirk onto his face.   
"I'm fine, just..." his face went serious "...missing Stefan, I guess." Elena glanced up at the calendar. Damon knew the anniversary was another couple of months away, but he wasn't telling a whole lie.

He missed doing the things he used to with Stefan. Jumping up onto the roof of the Boarding House with bourbon and talking until the sun had risen, leaping across the store rooftops as they laughed and chased each other. He missed speeding through the woods after Damon caught Stefan mid-hunt, even the small things like going out drinking with their heightened tolerances and reading in the living room. He missed his brother more than he could say.

"Oh Damon." Elena said, squeezing his shoulder and kissing his neck. Damon couldn't help the tingles as she did so- his neck was a soft spot for him. Elena kissed his neck again, knowing that he enjoyed it when she did that, and he sighed at the feeling. He shifted onto his back and she climbed on top of him, leaning down to kiss him on the lips. He pulled her closer and they tangled their hands in each other's hair. Elena kissed his cheek, down to his jawline, then his neck and onto his bare chest. When she got down to his groin area, Damon pulled her back up. "Nah-ah. No way, not today." Then, he flipped her over and ripped the nightdress off of her body. 

TVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVD

He rolled off of Elena so they were lying side by side, both of their chests heaving as they gasped for breath. Damon smiled, basking in his afterglow as he wrapped his arms around Elena. Thoughts of the safe and his old abilities fought to break into his mind, but he pushed them away. He decided he was going to keep doing that- put them to the back of his mind and try not to think about them. He didn't need those; everything he needed was right here, in his arms.

"I'm gonna go make some breakfast. What do you want? I'll bring everything up." Elena said once they had both settled back down. Damon sighed and stroked her hair, thinking for a moment before replying.   
"Erm... how much bread do we have left?" He asked.   
"A loaf and a half I think." Damon shrugged.   
"I'll have toast then." Elena smiled up at him, then leaned up to kiss his lips. "I'll make coffee as well." Once Elena was out of the room, Damon laid in bed for a few minutes before getting up and taking a very, very hot shower.

Elena came back with a tray full of food and coffee just as Damon walked out of the bathroom. "I brought fruit as well, I went to the store to get apples yesterday." Damon smiled at her- he loved apples. As Elena set the tray of food down on the bed, Damon got dressed. He threw on a v-neck and a pair of his favourite jeans, then climbed back into bed and wrapped an arm around Elena's shoulder, taking a slice of toast from the small pile. "Are you sure you're alright?" Elena asked quietly about a minute later. Damon took his time chewing and swallowing his toast before answering- he didn't like lying to her. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I think I'm just gonna go for a walk, clear my head a bit." Elena nodded and gave him a small smile.   
"Want me to come with you?" Damon shook his head and took another bite of toast.   
"No." He said, his mouth still full of bread. "Nah, I'll be good. I'll just go up to the waterfall or something for the day."

Two hours later, and Damon was doing just that. He wandered slowly through the woods, taking deep breaths of the cool spring air and listening to the crunch of leaves under his feet. He thought of everything except the thing he probably should. He thought of Elena, what he would wear to their wedding, who he was going to invite... when he was going to propose. He'd been thinking about it for a while, waiting for the right time. He'd already bought the ring, a silver one with a small diamond on the top. He decided he was going to wait for the carnival to come to town- take her there, and then propose when they got back. He didn't want to do it in public, so she didn't feel pressured into saying yes. At least if they were alone, she wouldn't feel as bad if she wasn't ready yet.

"Ow." He said when a sharp sting on his hands interrupted his thoughts. Looking down, he had been stung by nettles. He watched the tiny lump and waited for it to heal- but it didn't. He rubbed the sting, wondering why it wasn't healing. He felt a pang of fear, then once again remembered he didn't have those abilities anymore. "Damn it!" He shouted, punching a tree and cutting open two of his knuckles. As they started to bleed and hurt, he groaned out loud and fell to his knees, putting his forehead on the floor as he wondered again what on Earth was wrong with him. He'd not had this problem for two and a half years, when he first became human. He needed to get away, the woods suddenly felt claustrophobic.

He stood and tried to speed to the waterfall, but he only sprinted. He stopped after about a hundred metres, out of breath, and looked around. Why wasn't he at the waterfall? What happened? "ARGH!" Damon screamed as he forgot _again_. "What the hell is _wrong with you_? Pull yourself together, _come on_!" He shouted at himself, slapping his head and falling back onto the ground . He'd fought in the civil war, the world wars; he'd fought people ten times his age and won, he'd been tortured endlessly for five years and not turned off his humanity. So why... the _hell_... could he survive all of that yet he was he losing a fight with his own mind? Taking a deep breath to steady himself and cursing his inability to push his emotions away properly, something else he missed being able to to, he stood up and began walking normally over to the waterfall.

At the top of the waterfall, Damon paused to catch his breath. "I miss being a vampire." He had no idea what made him say it, especially not out loud, but he did. He said it loudly, clearly, like he knew he meant it. It was here, at the highest point of Mystic Falls, that Damon felt most alive, most _human_ , so why he said it, he had no clue. But he didn't stop there. "I miss everything. I miss the healing, the speed, strength. All of it. Except for the fact that I can't walk in the sun. I wouldn't even mind being burnt with vervain now, so long as it meant I get everything else with it. Being a vampire was great, and now it's _gone_." With that, Damon collapsed once more and looked out at the top of the waterfall. "What do I do, Stefan?" He whispered. "I have the Cure, there's no way of me being a vampire."

_You know what you should do_. A voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Stefan's said. _You get up, and you live your normal life because there is nothing else you can do_. The voice said. Damon sighed- he knew it was right. Once you have the Cure in your system there's no going back, he couldn't even drink vampire blood anymore. There was no way of turning back into a vampire, so he should stop even thinking about it. The only vampires he should think about are the ones still in his life (kind of)- Caroline, the Mikaelsons and Enzo.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone chiming- he had a text from Elena.   
_Hey, where are you? I'm making meatballs xx_  
Damon smiled at the screen- she knew meatballs were his favourite.   
_@ the waterfall. Be home in an hour xxx_  
He replied. He shut his phone off and took another deep breath, then began the slow walk back to his car, making a promise to himself as he went: he would not think about his old abilities, nor would he ever consider turning back into a vampire.

As he sped down the now dark, winding road, he allowed himself to experience the thrill of mortality. He sped up, more and more until he was going 90 down the rollercoaster-like road. Further and further he went, and with every bump and turn his grin got wider. That was until he saw red and blue lights in his mirror and heard the siren of a police car. "Damn it!" Damon grunted, slamming a hand on the steering wheel and slowly pulling over.

He wound his window down and waited for the cop to come up beside him. "Sir, are you drunk?" Was the first thing she said. Damon looked her straight in the eyes and focused. "No, and you know that. You're gonna let me go, carry on with your rounds and forget I was ever on this road." The woman laughed and pulled out a ticket book. "Sir, you are charming, but not that charming. Do you have any idea how fast your were going? On this kind of road? You broke the law, I'll have to fine you." Damon shook his head to clear it. "Hang on, do you take vervain?" He asked, immediately regretting it because that meant he'd outed himself as a vampire.   
"Ver-what? What is that? Some type of drug? Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the vehicle."

"What? Why? I was only- oh." Damon sighed. "Fine." He'd done it again. He'd tried to compel the officer. He slowly undid his seatbelt and climbed out of the car. As soon as he was clear of the door, the officer turned him around and pressed his hands against the roof. "Hey! Come on, this is an antique car!" He complained.   
"Yeah, and I'm gonna have to drug test you." The officer replied, gesturing for her partner to bring the testing kit.   
"Fine, but I'm complying so could you please let me at least face you!"

A whole hour and a half later, Damon was free to go with a fine. He'd been drug tested, breathalysed and his car had been practically torn apart when the officers searched for drugs. "Hey, 'Lena, I'm sorry." Damon said when Elena picked up the phone. He'd put it on speaker and it was sat on his lap.   
_"Where are you? You said you'd be an hour!"_ Elena said, anger seeping into her tone. Damon waited a few seconds, he knew what was coming.   
_"Are you alright?"_  
 _There it is._ "Yeah, I got pulled over." He said with a sigh.   
_"Pulled over? Why? What did you do?"_ And so Damon told her everything that had happened with the officers and the tests.   
"And they did all of that just because I asked if she was on vervain."   
_"Wait, you asked her_ what _?"_

Damon gulped. He'd deliberately missed out the part about him trying to compel the officer, instead saying he'd replied sarcastically. "I- I asked her if she was on vervain." Then, he told her the truth about him trying to compel the officer.   
_"I thought you were past that."_ Elena replied, sounding slightly disheartened. Damon's stomach lurched- he had to think of a lie, fast.   
"It-it's the first time I've been pulled over since it happened, I guess it's still my instinct to compel officers." He said, thanking the gods for letting confidence and surety lace his tone.   
_"Alright. Well, just get home, please, I want to know you're alright."_ Elena said.   
"I will, I'll be there soon. I love you." Damon answered with a smile. Elena paused- Damon could feel her smiling back through the screen.   
_"I love you too."_ With that, the three beeps that indicated the end of a call sounded, and Damon let out a long breath.

It wasn't easy lying to Elena. He hated it. Every time he tried, he felt guilty. He never used to- not when he was a vampire. Now that he was human, though... his emotions felt like they were on overdrive. Which was kind of ironic really, seeing as they're supposed to be on overdrive as a vampire. He didn't feel as... _in control_ as he did when he was supernatural. _Again with the irony_. He thought. But Damon pushed those thoughts away- he couldn't let himself see the benefits of being a vampire. Yet his mind turned to what had just happened with the officer- he tried to compel her! God, Damon missed compulsion. Usually, Damon went 90 on a freeway without a care in the world because he could compel his way out of it.

He was pretty lucky he was still classed as unemployed- the fine he received was pretty low considering the speed he was going. _The officer was also kind of a dick_ Damon couldn't help thinking. She was, though. Damon knew that, had it been a male officer touching a woman the way that dick officer had been touching him, he- the male officer- would be arrested. She'd practically _groped_ him, reaching in between his legs and around the back while her partner searched the car.

Damon had felt uncomfortable, but he'd refused to show it. He kept his face neutral, occasionally talking to the officers when they asked if he had his driver's license, car details etc. He was pretty sure the female officer was attracted to him, that was the only thing that could explain the touching. Her smirks every so often and hints when she said things like 'a charmer like you can certainly afford this' and 'at least buy me a drink first' when he (sarcastically) offered to let her search the passenger side.

Damon only stopped thinking about the encounter when he pulled into the Boarding House. He unlocked the front door, again something he didn't have to do when he was a vampire, and pushed it open, the smell of food cooking instantly hitting his nostrils. He took a deep breath of it and smiled as he exhaled, hanging up his leather jacket and making his way through to the kitchen.

"Hey, I warmed it back up for us. It should only be another minute." Elena said, coming up to him and kissing his lips. Damon smiled down at her.   
"I'm sorry, I tried to get away but they took ages testing me and the officer-"  
"I know." Elena cut in, leaning in to kiss him again, but Damon put a finger on her lips  
"No, Elena, please listen." Elena pouted, but once Damon started telling her about what the officer had done, the pout quickly disappeared.   
"Oh my god, are you alright?" She gasped when he was finished.   
"Yeah, yeah I am now that I'm back with you. Can we just eat?" Elena nodded, plating up the reheated food. Just as they sat down, however, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Damon said, sighing as he got out of his seat and headed towards the door. Swinging it open, he nearly slammed it shut again, had it not been for the hand that stopped it.   
"Damon Salvatore, resident of the Salvatore Boarding House; brother of Stefan Salvatore, who was declared deceased three years ago..."   
"What do you want?" Damon snarled, glaring at the officer stood in front of him.   
"Come on, you know what I want. You're a vampire, it can't be that hard to sense it." Damon gulped.   
"Damon, who's at the door?" Elena called from the kitchen. The officer invited herself inside.   
"Who's that?" She asked, peering around Damon. Damon pushed her back out of the door.   
"My _girlfriend_ , Elena. I don't want anything from you, and I'm not a vampire. Get out."

Damon couldn't help the increased tone of his voice when he said 'I'm not a vampire.' However, the officer didn't pick up on it. "Come on, you tried to _compel me_ to leave back there. I'm not stupid, Damon, I know what you are and I will _out you_ if you don't give me what I want." Damon laughed aloud at that.   
"Even if I _was_ a vampire, do you think that you can manipulate me that way? That you could _beat_ me?I'm not a vampire, but I doubt you can even beat me now, and you sure as _hell_ can't seduce me!"  
"Damon? What's going on?" Elena called again.   
"Stay in the kitchen- ow!"

Damon felt the stab of a syringe in his neck. The officer emptied the contents of the needle, then Damon ripped it out. "Did you just _stab_ me with _vervain_?" He asked as the officer looked on in horror. "Have you been listening to what I'm saying? I'm not a vampire!" Once again, Damon's heart dropped a little. "Get. Out. Or I will out you as an attempted rapist!" With that, the officer hurried out of the building.   
"What just happened?" Elena asked, running up to her boyfriend.   
"That _bitch_ officer came back, she knew I tried to compel her and thought I was still a vampire. Stabbed me with vervain so she could... rape me." Elena gasped and pulled Damon into a hug.   
"I'll call Matt. I'll call him, she is _not_ getting away with this." Damon took her arms from around him- he didn't really feel like being touched right now.   
"No, jail time won't do anything and we have no evidence. Call Caroline. Get her to compel her to quit and never think about anyone in that way ever again. Get her to take her to the Lockwood cell first until the vervain is out of system." Elena nodded, seeing the sense in Damon's plan.

Once Elena was safely back in the kitchen, making the call, Damon collapsed onto the couch. He felt weak, defenceless. Had he been a vampire, he would have probably killed the officer or at least compelled her himself. Yet all he could do was talk his way out of it and then have to rely on Caroline to defend him. He hated it- it was like a fresh reminder that he also couldn't defend Elena.

"I think I'll skip dinner. Thank you, I love you so much, but I really just want to go to bed." He said when Elena came back into the room. She nodded understandingly, putting her phone in her pocket.   
"Yeah, sure. I'll wash up then I'll join you." Damon kissed her, then headed up the stairs, changed into comfortable clothes and fell into bed.

Once alone, he thought about the events of the day. Trying to speed up the waterfall, waiting for his nettle stings to heal, trying to compel the bitch... Damon needed to pull himself together before he had a serious problem. He couldn't lie to Elena for much longer, but telling her would destroy her. He pushed the thoughts away once again, willing himself to forget about the issue. He knew there was nothing he could do, so why was he even bothering to spare it time?

He pretended to be asleep when Elena came up to bed. He felt her brush hair out of his face, her breath when she sighed and the dip of the bed when she climbed in next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in the back of his neck. "You'll be ok." She whispered. "Well figure this out, you'll be ok." Damons heart dropped- did she know? She couldn't possibly know...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'm really sorry if that went off track too much, I just had to put a bit of a story into Damon's attempted compulsion and got slightly carried away. Anyways, hope you enjoyed that chapter, thanks for reading!!  
>  Isaac :))**


	3. Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't do summaries lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Here it is, the third chapter! Ok, so I was re-writing my plan and I added in a sneaky chapter, so there's now 18 instead of 17. Onwards...**

_Previously..._  
_He pretended to be asleep when Elena came up to bed. He felt her brush hair out of his face, her breath when she sighed and the dip of the bed when she climbed in next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in the back of his neck. "You'll be ok." She whispered. "Well figure this out, you'll be ok." Damon's heart lurched- did she know? She couldn't possibly know..._

Elena had been in a relationship with Damon for a long time and had known him as a friend/enemy even longer. She knew the difference between him being angry and him being hurt, knew when he needed to be left alone and when he needed a hug. She knew his likes and dislikes, his insecurities and his talents. She knew almost everything there was to know about the mysterious Damon Salvatore, so she knew that something was definitely going on with him... something that he didn't want her to know.

The past week or so, Damon had been acting strange. Just a few days ago, she caught him in the basement where they used to store blood bags. He was sat drinking bourbon looking what could only be described as lost. He'd brushed it off as just needing somewhere 'solitary and quiet to think' and Elena had accepted it as one of his weird, half-drunk moments. Alongside that, he'd been unusually quiet and generally not himself, spending a lot of time in the woods and by the waterfall as opposed to going out with Elena and their friends. In the time that Elena had been discreetly observing him, he'd spent the majority of his spare time alone. When he wasn't out, he was usually found laying down in his room or reading in the living room. Whenever Elena joined him, Damon would often make an excuse to leave. At first it hurt, but then she remembered that it was his way of saying he needed time to himself... and that worried her more than anything. Damon was usually outgoing and confident, easy around people and a total extrovert.

Elena was starting to worry that maybe something was seriously wrong with him, that he was slipping into depression or something of the sort. She really hoped that that wasn't the case, but Damon hardly ever kept anything from her, so it was totally out of character for him to suddenly become so secretive and solitary.

Eventually, Elena had come to the conclusion that Damon was just going through another phase of blaming himself for Stefan's death. It had happened before, right after Stefan had died, and Elena wasn't surprised that it was happening again. She just didn't know where it was coming from. She'd tried to ask him, but every time she did, Damon told her he didn't want to talk about it and Elena didn't want to push... Stefan was sometimes a very sensitive subject. So, in order to get answers, she called the only other person Damon was likely to talk to about it: Bonnie.

"Hey, are you busy?" She asked after Bonnie picked up the phone.  
_"Not really, I'm with Caroline at the Grill. What's up?"_ Elena thought for a moment. Should she tell Caroline? Stupid question.  
"Alright, I'll be there in ten. I need to talk to you about Damon." She said, then hung up. She put on her trainers, gathered her jacket and purse then left the Boarding House. Before she did, she fired Damon a quick text.  
_Going to the Grill with Bonnie and Caroline, won't be long xxx_

Damon was out in the woods again, so he probably wouldn't have much of a signal. Despite this, a reply came through pretty quickly.  
_Alright, you'll probably be home before me xxx_  
Elena smiled softly at the screen and got in her car, wishing desperately that Damon would talk to her about whatever it was that was tormenting him.

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Damon put his phone back in his pocket and began the long walk back down the waterfall. For the past week, he'd been trying hard to get the thoughts about his old vampire days out of his head but, despite his attempts, Damon was failing miserably. He'd tried to distance himself from the temptations of day to day life, instead spending time in the woods and by the waterfall. The different surroundings were like a distraction for him and a method to get away from Elena's constant pestering.

He knew she meant well, but Elena asking him every day what was wrong and telling him to talk to her wasn't helping. He hated lying to her and every day it got harder. Damon was still under the pretence that Stefan's death was the only thing on his mind but, soon enough, Elena was going to dig deeper and demand that he told her... something he _really_ didn't want to do.

Damon was so lost in thought that he didn't realise where his feet were taking him until he nearly walked into the gate of the family crypt. He looked up at the top of the stone, reading the word _SALVATORE_ over and over again, before taking a deep breath and stepping inside.

Damon hadn't been here since Stefan's birthday the previous year, but nothing much had changed. Damon removed the dead flowers Caroline had placed the last time she'd visited from the side of Stefan's headstone and sat down on the bench opposite it.

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Considering it was late afternoon, the Grill was pretty busy. Nearly every table was occupied and it took Elena a minute's scanning before she spotted Caroline's blonde hair. She walked over to their table and sighed as she sat beside Bonnie. "Why is it so busy?" Caroline chuckled.  
"I said the same thing. Apparently, everything is half price today." She said. Elena ordered a coffee and while they waited, Bonnie filled her in on her latest travel plans. "I'm thinking of going back to Africa, that was a great trip, but I haven't been to China yet and I would love to walk the Great Wall. What do you think?" Elena laughed and took the brochure that had a picture of the Great Wall of China on the front.  
"I think you should go for it. Just make sure you get some good pictures." Bonnie laughed and took the leaflet back from Elena, gazing admiringly at the picture.

"So, what's going on between you and Damon?" Caroline asked once Elena's ordered coffee had been served.  
"It's mainly Damon, if I'm honest. He's been strange lately..." with that, Elena told her best friends everything. How he's been spending more time away, about her catching him in the basement, and her suspicions about Stefan's death. She told them about him having nightmares again, getting to sleep late and waking up barely an hour later screaming or gasping for breath. She told them about him avoiding her questions, brushing her off with an 'I don't wanna talk about it' or just straight up changing the subject.

"That doesn't sound like Damon." Bonnie replied when Elena had finished. "I mean yeah, he never really admits to weakness but brushing _you_ off? This is new, even for him." She said. Elena shook her head an took a sip of her coffee.  
"I know. I know, it's not like him at all, that's why I'm so worried."  
"I don't think it's just Stefan's death." Caroline pitched in. Bonnie and Elena frowned at her.  
"W-What do you mean?" Elena asked uncertainly.  
"I mean, of course Damon still blames himself for Stefan's death, but I don't think that's all there is to it." When all she got was confused looks, Caroline sighed.

"Think about it! He was in the basement where you used to keep _blood bags_ , he tried to _compel someone_ , he's been up the _horrendously tall_ waterfall, he's having _nightmares_ and then when you ask about them!" Once again, Bonnie and Elena just looked dumbfounded at their friend. "Oh my god, I think he misses being a vampire!"

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"So, where do I start, Stef?" Damon said with a sigh, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "I don't want to admit it, I really don't... but it's the truth. I miss being a vampire, Stefan. I miss it _so much_ , but there's nothing I can do about it. You gave your life so that I could live a normal one with Elena, but that's not what I want anymore. You were right all along, taking the Cure was a bad idea for someone like me." Damon ranted. Call him paranoid, but he thought he could feel a presence there, as though Stefan was listening to him. With that thought in mind, Damon continued.

"Don't get me wrong, I love Elena. I love her with all my heart. But that's the problem. If I tell her, she'll think I don't want a life with her, that I don't love her anymore. She'll think she's not enough for me, that I'd rather be a vampire than spend an ordinary life with her. That's not true!" His voice rose and stood, starting to pace in front of the headstone. "I want a life with her. I honestly do, but I _hate_ being human! At first it was hard, getting used to not being able to compel someone or speed upstairs, but it got easier... I got used to it. Now..." Damon stopped pacing, staring at the blank stone wall opposite him. "... now I miss it all over again." He said, his voice barely above a whisper. As he continued his vent, he resumed his pacing.

"I miss knowing that, no matter how bad the wound got, I'd heal. Or that, even if I die, I'll come back. I can hardly protect myself now, let alone Elena! What am I supposed to do if we get attacked by something supernatural and I can't defend her and she d- dies?" He exclaimed, his voice breaking at the end. He sighed again at sat back down on the stone bench. "What am I supposed to do, Stefan? I can't lie to her anymore, but I don't want to tell her. Not that that would do any good, there's no going back from the Cure. I'm stuck as a human for the rest of my life. So what... the _hell_... am I supposed to do?"

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" _What_?" Elena exclaimed. Bonnie groaned and put her head in her hands.  
"I think he misses being a vampire! Come on... he keeps going to the place he used to get _food_ , travelling up to places he used to be able to get to so easily in a few seconds that now take an hour's hard effort. He's probably having nightmares about when Stefan injected him with the Cure and he not telling you because he doesn't want to think that it's because of you!" Elena and Bonnie didn't reply for a short while... what Caroline said made sense.  
"Please tell me you did _not_ just read Damon better than I did." Elena said quietly after a few minutes' silence.  
"I think she did." Bonnie replied. Caroline laughed airily.  
"Probably. But talk to him, Elena. Ask him directly, don't be cryptic about it." She said.

Bonnie sighed. "I agree with Caroline, Elena. If what she's saying is true and Damon really does miss being a vampire, you need to ask him. Once a vampire has the Cure in them, they can't go back. You'll have to help him through it." Elena thought for a beat, then nodded. She checked her watch, then finished the last of her coffee and stood. "I have to go, he'll be home soon. Don't worry, I'll ask him." She left a couple of dollars on the table for her coffee, then Caroline and Bonnie bid her goodbye and she left the Grill.

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Damon put his face in his hands and pressed his fingertips into his eyes. "This is stupid. I don't even know why I'm here. You can't hear me; hell, you're not even _here_. You're _gone_ , and I'm talking to a _stone_ about something that can _never happen_. I can't be a vampire again, it's not possible. I don't even know why I even bothered admitting that I miss it." He said, mainly to himself this time as his voice was muffled by his palms. He took them away from his face with a sigh and looked at Stefan's plaque, reading the words engraved into the stone

_STEFAN SALVATORE  
Brother - Husband - Friend  
~BORN 1846~  
Now at Peace_

Damon stared at the word 'Brother' for a long time, missing Stefan more than anything. His little brother would know what to do, he'd be able to advise Damon in the right decision. He wanted so desperately to talk to Stefan about this, to seek his guidance and advice. "I miss you, brother." He said thickly, tears filling his eyes as he continued to read the word 'Brother' so many times over. "I didn't want you to die, Stef. I know I've said it before but Ic- _compelled_ you to leave! I did that for a _reason_ , Stefan. I wanted _you_ to live... _I_ am the big brother, it was _my job_ to die!" He said, his voice shaking violently. He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his thundering heart. "I need you, brother. Now more than ever, I need you." He said as his head bowed and his shoulders finally started to shake.

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Elena waited patiently, sat in the living room of the Boarding House ready for Damon to come home. She tried to think how she was going to do it, how she was going to confront her boyfriend. In the end, she decided she'd let him get settled before she brought up the subject.

As Damon's usual arrival time approached, Elena grew nervous. She fidgeted on the couch, trying and failing to distract herself by playing games on her phone. But Damon didn't show up on time. She waited five minutes... ten minutes... twenty... forty five... a whole _hour_ and still no Damon. Concerned, she called him on speed dial.

_"So, you've reached the voicemail. Take a hint, I don't wanna talk to you. However... if your name is Stefan, Elena or you know me in some... way, shape or form then leave a message. If not, then go away."_

Elena sighed and hung up the phone. Damon going straight to voicemail was never a good sign. Usually, when Elena rang, Damon picked up within the first few rings. Him going to voicemail either meant his phone was dead, off, or he was hurt somewhere. Elena pushed the worried thoughts that jumped straight to the last option away and opted to just waiting for Damon. Wherever he was, he was alright.

After an hour and a half of waiting, Elena decided to send him a text.  
_Hey, you ok? You're later than usual xxx_  
Once the text read 'delivered', she put her phone on sound and hoped to God that Damon replied soon

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Damon looked up when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He wiped his eyes as he unlocked it, seeing he had a message from Elena.  
_Hey, you ok? You're later than usual xxx_  
Damon looked at the time at the top of his screen and his heart skipped a beat. He was nearly two hours late and he had a missed call from Elena. He hurriedly wiped his eyes and stood, making to leave the crypt before turning and walking back to Stefan's headstone. He laid a hand on top of it and whispered: "I gotta go, brother... I'm late home. Wish me luck." With that, Damon gave the stone a small, sad smile then left the crypt.

Once back in his car, he drove faster than he probably should back to the Boarding House. There was no rush, but Damon didn't like being late home. Damon had been driving for about five minutes before he realised he didn't reply to Elena's text. He pulled over and whipped his phone out of the dashboard, texting at quickly as he could.  
_On way. Be there in ten xx_  
Once that was done, Damon continued speeding down the empty road that led to home.

Damon was at the house in less than ten minutes. He unlocked the door and stepped inside, unsurprised when Elena threw her arms around his neck the second he turned away from locking the door. "I'm so glad you're ok! Where were you?" She gasped, pulling him in for a kiss. He kissed her back, then guided her through to the living room where they cuddled up on the couch. "I paid a visit to Stefan's grave." He said quietly.

Elena looked up at him, eyes wide. "Oh my god, are you ok?" She asked, suddenly realising how red and bloodshot Damon's eyes were. Damon nodded and gave her a small smile. "Yeah. Yeah, just... haven't been there in a while. Figured I owed him a visit." Elena nodded and kissed his cheek, noting the fresh tears starting to form in his eyes. "Are you sure you're ok?" She asked quietly. Damon nodded, but he sniffed slightly and blinked a few times to clear his eyes.  
"Yeah. Yeah, don't worry." Elena broke away from his arms and stood, offering him her hand. Damon took it and stood up in front of her. "What is it?" He asked. Then, Elena wrapped her arms around his neck again. Not in a loving hug, but rather a comforting embrace.

Damon couldn't move. He was used to Elena hugging him by now, but this was different. She was... _comforting_ him. Comforting him like she did when he broke down after Stefan's funeral. Damon wasn't used to comfort, he'd never really received much over the course of his long life. He wrapped his arms hesitantly around her waist and buried his head in the dip between her neck and shoulder. They remained like that for a short minute, then Damon's shoulders started to shake once more.

Elena didn't want to bring up the subject of vampirism yet, Damon was always hurt after visiting Stefan's grave. With Damon in such a vulnerable state, Elena didn't want to ask him about the one thing that could possibly make him feel worse. So, she waited until Damon had worn himself out and calmed down, then sat them both back down on the couch and gathered him in her arms. He leant his head on her shoulder and they both stared into the fire opposite them for a while. Only when Damon's breathing was back to normal did Elena ask the one thing she'd been dreading asking all day.

"That's not the only thing bothering you, is it?" To her surprise, Damon shook his head.  
"No." He said, emotion clear in his voice.  
"Is it the Cure? Do you miss being a vampire?"

Damon's heart dropped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Alrighty, there's chapter three! Sorry not sorry to leave you on a *bit* of cliffhanger XD. Anyways, I'm gonna start uploading these chapter after I've written five of them, so expect the next one shortly!!**   
>  **Reviews and requests welcome as always. Thanks for reading,**   
>  **Isaac :))**


	4. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DON'T DO SUMMARIES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Hey!! So, the fourth chapter! Things are starting to kick off now, I promise. Onward...**

_Previously..._

_"That's not the only thing bothering you, is it?" To her surprise, Damon shook his head. "No." He said, emotion clear in his voice. "Is it the Cure? Do you miss being a vampire?"_

_Damon's heart dropped._

"Elena, I... it's not what you think." Elena remained silent, but her features relaxed into a face of understanding.   
"No, it's okay, Damon. Tell me." She said, placing a hand gently on his face. Damon sighed and took the hand in his own, stroking her palm and kissing her fingertips lightly. Despite everything, despite his continuous internal conflict and Elena's blatantly obvious question... Damon wasn't sure if he should tell her. This could ruin her, could ruin their relationship... _that_ was the _last_ thing Damon wanted.

"Hey." Elena whispered softly, guiding his face up to look at her. "Tell me. It's okay, you can say it." Damon swallowed the lump that was rising in his throat and shook his head, returning his eyes to the couch underneath him.   
"No." He said lowly. "No, I... I can't, Elena. I-it's not true, it's not." Damon said. Although, even to his own ears, it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself than anything. He had thought of many ways as to how he would tell Elena when she inevitably found out. Now, when the time had arrived, all of those ideas and thoughts had shot out his mind like an arrow from a crossbow.

"Damon." Elena said, a little more firmly this time as she once again guided his chin up so she could look deep into his insecure, conflicting eyes. "Say it. You know you mean it." Damon couldn't. No way, it wasn't true. He'd spent hours upon hours trying to distract himself, to prove to himself that he didn't need vampirism to be happy, that he could live a normal, human life. "I miss being a vampire." _Dammit_.

He wasn't sure where that had come from, where the sudden outburst of emotion had decided to make an appearance but, as Elena wiped a tear from his cheek, he knew he really did mean what he'd said. Elena gave him a warm, comforting smile and cupped his cheek. "It's okay." She whispered. "It's okay, Damon. It's normal. You were a vampire for a _century and a half_ , I kind of expected it if I'm honest." Damon chuckled and pulled her in for a short, sweet kiss, wrapping his arms around her slim waist. "I swear this is just a phase. Like last time, Elena, and I'll get over it."

"Is this what's been bothering you this whole time?" She asked. Damon gulped. He knew she'd asked, but he was far from being ready to admit that he'd also been pondering vampire life compared to human. Despite this, he nodded, averting his gaze down to the couch again. Elena sighed, but didn't pick his chin up this time. Damon was grateful for that. "Fine... well, it's only early evening."

Damon looked up, unsure as to what she was trying to say. "Seeing as there's no way around the Cure... I think we should remind you of all the reasons why you wanted to be human in the first place." She said with an excited smirk. Damon gave her a small smile in return. "Come on." She said, taking his hand and all but dragging him off of the sofa. "We're going to dinner." She said sweetly, pulling him over to the hallway and throwing him his leather jacket. Damon caught it and chuckled.   
"Dinner? Seriously? I just told you I miss being a vampire and we're going to _dinner_?" He said with an amused smile.

Elena threw him a cheerful look over her shoulder. "Yep." She said happily. "Now come on, I wanna go to that new restaurant on the edge of town. Bonnie and Caroline went there for a Murder Mystery night with Matt and Alaric while we were in New York, they said it was really nice." Elena guided Damon out of the door and to his car, reaching around him to fish in his pocket for his keys before unlocking the door and climbing into the passenger seat. Damon sighed as she grinned up at him.   
"Fine. But we split the bill." Elena laughed triumphantly and Damon walked around the front of the car to sit in the driver's seat and started the engine.

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"I'll have the chicken casserole with no sweetcorn and a Diet Coke, please." Elena said politely to the waitress, who smiled at her then turned to Damon.   
"What can I get you, handsome?" She said with a joking smirk. Elena snorted and Damon scoffed.   
"I'll take the steak, well done, with onion rings and tomato as the side... and a Fanta." The waitress made a note of his order, winked, then walked away.

"Can she not see we're together?" Elena laughed. Damon grinned at her and took her hand reassuringly.   
"It's my natural charm, babe. No woman can resist it... not even you." He said with a wink. Elena chuckled, then pulled her hand out of his grasp as their drinks arrived.

While they waited for their food, Damon and Elena avoided all talk of Damon's current existential crisis. They spoke about their opinions of Bonnie's latest travel plans, their own plans to revisit New York, the twins starting school... it felt like hours before their food finally arrived.

Midway through the meal, Damon addressed the elephant in the room. "So... you wanted to remind me of all the reasons why I wanted to be human?" He said, swallowing a mouthful of steak. Elena nodded, chewed and swallowed her own food, then sighed before replying. "Yeah. You wanted to take the Cure at one point, Damon. Then you got it, and now you wanna go back... what changed? Damon set down his knife and fork with a sigh.   
"If I'm honest... I don't know, Elena. Things just... _changed_ one morning. It was like I just suddenly wished I had my old abilities back. I can't protect myself or you like I used to be able to. I don't have the same speed, the same instincts, the same strength... I don't have any of it anymore and I _hate_ it, Elena. I hate the fact that I'm pretty much defenceless with the Cure running through my veins."

Elena looked a little taken aback at Damon's outburst, but quickly composed herself and took his hand in hers, both half-finished plates of food disregarded. "You are not _defenceless_ , Damon. Besides, you wanted that, right? Think of all the benefits that come with the Cure. We can start a _family_ at some point, when we're ready. We can have children and-!"

"Children I can't protect if we ever get put under a supernatural attack." Damon cut in bluntly, silencing his girlfriend. Elena hesitated, but continued her speech.   
"We can grow old together, Damon! How many vampires get that chance? As for defending our children, we can find ways! Look at Rick, he's human and look what he can do! You're already a great fighter. With extra training and a bit of practice with weapons and you can easily protect any future Salvatores we bring into the mix." It was a solid argument, but Damon was still unsure.

"Rick's had _years_ of practice, Elena!" He argued. "I may be nearly two hundred years old, but I've mainly relied on my vampire instincts in fights." Elena huffed and spoke sternly. a small frown creasing her forehead.   
"Don't you give me that rubbish, Damon Salvatore. You can't tell me they didn't teach you hand-to-hand combat in the civil war." Damon scoffed and withdrew his hand, looking slightly appalled at her statement.   
"Elena, that was in _1862_! Literally over a century and a half ago, you learnt about that in _history classes_." Elena sighed again and took another bite of her casserole.

"I know, but you still hold on to _some_ of those abilities. You've had to fight so many times, Damon, you can't tell me _all of it_ was dependent on vampire abilities." Damon tried to agree, he really did, but he couldn't recall one fight in the last hundred and fifty years where he hadn't needed his heightened instincts at least once. "And think of the _future_ , Damon! A future where we have kids, then grand-kids and maybe even great grand-kids! And no doubt they'll find out at some point that you're two centuries old, so you can tell them stories of really old times and we've got some pretty good adventures to speak of. You can tell them all about you and Stefan and how-!"

"Stop, Elena." Damon said, cutting in. That was another thing. In fact, it was the main thing that was bothering him. "Stefan gave me the Cure, and his _life_ so that I could live a happy, human one with you. If I take that away, his death would have been for nothing!" He said, realising he was contradicting himself but standing by his point nonetheless. Elena smiled understandingly.   
"No, Damon. He gave his life because he finally saw that you were a _changed man_ , and he wanted us to meet you. He realised that you'd become the man he'd been trying so hard to make you and he didn't want to let his efforts go to waste!" She said desperately. "Damon, Stefan gave you the chance at a _normal life_. How many vampires do you think would kill for a chance like that?"

Damon knew it was true, he knew Stefan had given him something most vampires could only dream of, yet still, he was finding it difficult to agree with what Elena was saying, that being a human was better for him. "Do you know what it was like for me to wake up in that tunnel, Elena? To open my eyes and see a pile of Stefan's ashes where mine should have been?" He said, emotion seeping into his tone as he completely forgot about the fact that they were sat in the middle of a crowded restaurant. "It _hurt_ , Elena. And I sat there and I cried and I... I tried to turn it off. _That's_ how I realised what Stef had given me. I tried to flip the switch and I couldn't."

Elena's eyes were full of tears at Damon's story. He'd never told her what had happened when he'd woken up in those tunnels, had never spoken about what it was like to wake up with him alive and Stefan dead. "It hurt so much it _physically pained me_ and I _couldn't turn it off_! My little brother was _dead_ and I couldn't get rid of the pain, Elena. _Alongside this_ , I was human, so I couldn't even _repress_ the emotion properly. Tell me how I'm better off like that, Elena, I _beg_ you."

Elena couldn't speak and Damon watched as her mouth opened and closed like a fish, tears streaming down her face. "Damon, I... I didn't know, you've never told me that!" Damon sighed and bowed his head, then held both of her hands in his, kissed her knuckles and looked her in the eye. "Elena, I love you. I really do, but... when Stefan died, all I wanted more than anything else was to not feel that pain, even just for a little while. I just wanted it gone, to not have to be so _hurt_. But I _couldn't_. I couldn't get rid of it, and _that_ made it hurt more." Elena held his hands close to her face, nodded tearfully and took a deep breath in an attempt to compose herself.   
"I know. I know, Damon, really. I do."

Before any of them could speak again, the waitress returned. "Is... everything alright over here?" Damon huffed, annoyed at her appalling timing and nodded as Elena looked in the opposite direction.   
"Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. Could we get the bill?" The waitress handed it to him, he paid, then the couple left the restaurant. As eyes followed them from more than a few tables, Damon had to ignore the whisper of 'poor guy, think he said he lost his little brother' that he overheard as they walked past one of the tables.

TVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVTVTDVTDVTD

As soon as Damon pulled into the front yard of the Salvatore Boarding House, Elena got out of the car and strode into the house. Damon slowly followed, taking his time with locking the door and stripping himself of his jacket and shoes. He always knew this was going to be a hard conversation for both him and Elena, he just didn't expect it to go... like _this_.

Elena was sat on the couch opposite the fire, sipping on a half glass of bourbon. "Thought you hated whiskey." Damon said in an attempt to lighten the mood, though no smirk or smile graced his features. Elena remained silent, not even turning away from the fire to look at him. Damon poured himself a glass of the strongest bourbon he owned, then sighed as he collapsed onto the couch next to her. "Look, Elena-."

"Don't, Damon." Elena said, surprisingly smoothly. "You wanna be a vampire again, I get it. After so long of being one, I can even understand it. But don't just think of _your_ future here, Damon, or your reasons, think of _our_ future and _my_ reasons. We're getting a this way, Damon! A life with kids, with growing old, with stories and love and... _normality_. When you were a vampire, we only had a chance with one of those. With vampirism, we don't get kids, we don't get to grow old. We don't get to tell our grand-kids stories and we sure as hell don't get normality."

 _That's the thing_. Damon thought. He _was_ thinking of their future, he _was_ thinking about their kids and their chance at a normal life... yet the temptation and reassurance of vampirism felt like an added bonus. They could adopt, it wasn't their first choice but they could. Elena would get to grow old, he'd just have to prepare himself to one day let her go. "Imagine if there _was_ a way. If you turned back into a vampire. One day, all of us except Caroline will die and then you'll have to live on for centuries. Live on without me, Bonnie, Alaric... Stefan. We'll all be gone while you live on." Damon knew she was right, of course she was. Yet he knew he could handle that. It would hurt sometimes, definitely, but he could handle it.

"What makes you miss it so much, Damon? Aside from the added protection and the ability to wish away grief, what is so appealing about being a vampire that makes you so willing to throw away your normal life?" Damon suddenly became aware of the tears in his eyes but, like Elena obviously had done, he ignored them. "I... I don't _know_ , Elena. Alright? I just... I feel like that's who I've _become_ and changing that with the Cure... it's almost as though I've turned into someone I'm not. Elena, I have missed being human for a _very_ long time, long before I took the Cure but, at the same time, I could never imagine being human again because that _wasn't who I was_. I'm not human, and I missed it but I was _okay with it_. I didn't mind the flaws that came with being a vampire, they were controllable and it was easy to find ways around things like the sun and vervain. I _liked_ being a vampire, Elena. I didn't at first but I learned to. And now that it's gone... it feels like I've lost my purpose, my sense on self almost."

Elena let Damon speak his mind with tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe Damon had kept all of that in for so long. Damon quickly wiped away the wetness from his own cheeks and smiled at her, putting his glass on the coffee table to hold her face in his hands. "I know that there's no way around the Cure." He said, lowering his voice to a low, soothing murmur. "So I don't want you to worry. Let me deal with this, like last time, and I'll get over it. I promise."

Elena sniffed and shook her head, placing her own glass down so she could hold Damon's hands. "No." She said. "No, I don't want you to live this way if you don't want to." Damon looked at her, confused. "There has to be a way, right? Every spell, including this one, has a loophole. There's _always a way_ , Damon. You wanted this Cure for me, right? So we could live a happy life together?" Damon nodded, still unsure as to where his lover was going with this. "Then I can talk to Bonnie. She has all of those ancient grimoires and she's back in touch with the spirits... surely she has _something_ that can turn you back into a vampire. You were willing to give up everything you had come to know for over a _century and half_ for me, Damon. I'm pretty sure I can give up everything I want for sixty years or so."

Damon stared at her, gobsmacked. "Hang on." He said, tightening his grip on her hands and picking up his jaw from the floor. "You've just spent the _whole night_ trying to tell me why I should remain human, and now you want to see if there's a way to turn me _back_?" Elena nodded, wiping her eyes on her shoulders and locking eyes with him.   
"Yeah. Yeah, I am. Because, as much as I want a normal life with you, I also want _you_ to be happy. A long time ago, I told you I liked you just the way you were. I still mean that, Damon. I fell in love with a vampire who just so happened to become human again. I loved you as a vampire _and_ a human, Damon, so I can love you that way again."

Damon couldn't believe what he was hearing, but Elena wasn't done. "You've sacrificed _so much_ for me, Damon, you always have. Despite me dating and choosing Stefan over and over again, you continued to protect and help me like that didn't hurt you. I owe you so much that I can never repay you, the least I could do is make sure you're happy with yourself as you are with me." When Damon just looked at her, she took another deep breath. "So we'll find a way. We'll travel to the other side of the world if we have to but we will _find a way_ and then, if you still want to, we can turn you back into a vampire."

Damon knew it was near hopeless, that it was stupid to even contemplate their being a way around the Cure, but there was still a voice in the back of his mind that said... what if. What if there was indeed a way to turn him back? To make him a vampire again? Would he do it? _Stupid question_. He thought. of course he would. He'd do it in a heartbeat.

"Elena, are you sure about this?" Elena smiled at him and kissed the back of his hand.   
"Absolutely. I meant what I said. I want you to be happy. This relationship isn't just about ,em>me and what _I_ want. It's about you as well and making sure that _you're_ happy. I love you, Damon, so I don't want you to live as someone you think you're not for the rest of your life!" Damon choked down the lump that was once again growing in his throat. Elena was so... _accepting_. He'd half expected her to be pissed off, to be angry at him and shout at him and tell him what he was feeling wasn't fair on her, wasn't fair in regards to their relationship.

He blinked back the tears that had pooled in his eyes and cleared his throat. "What are the chances of Bon-Bon actually finding something?" He asked quietly, keeping his gaze fixated on the flames beside them. Elena chuckled and ran a hand through her shoulder-length hair. "Knowing Bonnie? Extremely high. Plus, like I said, she's got the spirits back on her side. If she doesn't know something, one of them will." She replied with a knowing smile. Damon raised his gaze to her shining brown eyes then nodded, returning her smile.

"Then we can ask her. At least then, we know we have the option if... if..." He said. Elena nodded understandingly and leaned forward to kiss him, then rested her forehead on his. Damon took a deep breath as she spoke. "This is gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay, alright?" Damon nodded. "Bonnie will figure out a way, then we can go from there. If, when she finds out, you want to do it then we can. If not then that's also okay. Whatever you choose, this is your decision, Damon, alright?" Damon pressed their lips together as a tear leaked out of his left eye.

"Alright." He whispered. "Let's find a way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I just want to say that, in real life, I don't like Elena at all so it is extremely difficult to write her as being nice. Also, what do you think of the fic so far? This is my first multi-chapter one, so I'd love your opinions! Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter, numero cinco should be up shortly. Thanks for reading,**
> 
> **Isaac :))**


	5. Quest For Vampirism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NO! No, no, no, no, no, did I mention NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Dun, Dun, Duuuuuun it's the fifth part. I told you things were starting to get heated. Anyways...**

_Previously..._

_"Bonnie will figure out a way, then we can go from there. If, when she finds out, you want to do it then we can. If not then that's also okay. Whatever you choose, this is_ your _decision, Damon, alright?" Damon pressed their lips together as a tear leaked out of his left eye._

_"Alright." He whispered. "Let's find a way."_

"Hey, Bonnie. Are you free? I need to talk to you...without Caroline. Now." Elena heard silence on the other end of the line for a couple of seconds before Bonnie's voice rang out through the speaker. _"Is this about Damon?"_ Elena huffed, smiling to herself at her best friend's obvious non-oblivion.   
"That obvious, huh? Yeah, it's about Damon. Can you meet me at the Grill in ten?" Bonnie sighed on the other end. _"Twenty. Got an errand to run on the way there."_ Elena smiled.   
"Great. See you then." She hung up the phone and turned to her boyfriend, who was stood anxiously by the fireplace, chewing on his thumbnail.

"Well?" He asked urgently as soon as she turned around. Elena grinned at him as she put her phone back in her pocket. "She's meeting me at the Grill in twenty, although I _think_ she already knows what I want to talk to her about." She paused, hesitant about asking her next question. "How much do you want me to tell her?" Damon sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, thinking it through carefully.   
"Care bear gonna be there?" At Elena's shake of the head, Damon took a deep, steadying breath.

"Then tell her everything I told you. If we're gonna get her to help us, she needs the whole story. Tell her everything, but also tell her not to tell Caroline, just in case. I don't want this getting out just yet." Elena nodded again, and the pair lapsed into a comfortable silence; during which Damon poured himself a bourbon. After around five minutes, Elena stood from the couch she had collapsed on and started putting her shoes on. "I'm gonna head off, I won't be long." Damon kissed her on the cheek and waved as she left through the front door.

TVDTVDTVDTDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVD

"Let me guess... Caroline was right, Damon misses being a vampire and he wants me to find a way to turn him back into one." Bonnie said as soon as she arrived at the Grill. Elena smiled up at her from her seat at the table, confirming Bonnie's suspicions. The witch sat opposite her and bore a serious expression. "Is he for real? Like, is he genuinely wanting to be a vampire again?" Elena shrugged.   
"I don't know. He says he misses it, and I know he does because I can see it, but I think he just wants to know if there is a way." And with that, Elena retold the story of the night before.

She told Bonnie everything. How Damon was worried that it would be a waste of Stefan's life, how he still wanted to build a family. She told her how he missed his abilities and the protection it gave him, that he was scared he wouldn't be able to defend Elena and their future families without them. She told her just how much Damon missed being a vampire and wanted to know if there was any chance in hell he would get to be one again.

For a short while, Bonnie's face just softened into sympathy as she contemplated what Elena had said. "He certainly sounds sincere." She said after a minute or so's thought. Elena nodded, taking a sip of the coffee she had ordered mid-speech. "Yeah, he is. He even cried a little. I haven't seen him cry since Stefan's birthday last year. He really wants this Bonnie, is there _anything_ you can think of that might help him?" Bonnie thought for a moment, then Elena's heart sank as she shook her head. "There's nothing I've ever read that told me how to reverse the effects of the Cure. I can look in my grimoires and ask the spirits but I honestly doubt it, Elena." Elena was doubtful... but there had to be a way. Every spell has a loophole. 

"Alright. I'm gonna head home, get back to Damon. Do you know how long you'll need?" At that, Bonnie smiled at her. "Give me until the end of the day, I'll have it done for you." Elena smiled and embraced her best friend, then slapped a couple of dollars onto the table for her coffee and left the Grill.

TVDTVDTVDTDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVD

"Damon? I'm home!" Elena called as she entered the Boarding House. Barely a few seconds later, Damon rushed into the hall from the living room. He bore the air of someone who had been pacing the last hour or so. "Hey, what did she say?" Elena shrugged off her coat and kicked her trainers into the corner, then walked over to her boyfriend and took his hands in hers. "She's never read anything about reversing the effects of the Cure." She said gently, and Damon's face fell slightly. "But... she _did_ say she would look in her grimoires and ask the spirits, see if there's anything out there that could help you." Damon's face cracked into a small smile. 

"Good. Good, that's good. How are you doing? I didn't want to tell you like this, I was just going to let it blow over." Elena took him into her arms and kissed the side of his neck. "I'm glad you did tell me. I'm doing fine, I just want you to be happy." When Damon made a doubtful noise, Elena pulled away and looked him in the eyes. "Hey. We're gonna be fine, you don't need to worry about me in this." She said, trying to keep eye contact with Damon as he tried to look away. "It's not you I'm worried about Elena." He said, facing her once more. "It's _us_ , what this means for our family, our future. If Bonnie does find a way and I become a vampire again, you're gonna grow old and die and our kids are gonna have a vampire for a father." 

Elena nodded and reached up to cup Damon's face with her hands, but he jerked his head out of her reach and walked away, into the living room. "Damon!" She called after him. When she followed him into the room, he was stood over by the fire and drinking a glass of bourbon. "I can't do this to you, Elena. To us. I never should've said anything." He said, not turning away from the flames. "Well, I stand by my point. I'm _so_ glad you told me because this means I can help you!" Just then, Damon spun around to face her, fury and hurt written all over his pale face. 

"I don't _want_ your help! I don't _need_ it, Elena! There's no going back from the Cure, we've known that for years. If there was, we could've done it to help... to help..." Damon trailed off, turning and looking back into the fire. Elena sighed. "Stefan. To help Stefan." Damon didn't say a word to Elena, not even an apology for his outburst. Not that she needed one. Damon was under so much stress, going through something no vampire (or ex-vampire) had gone through before. 

"Damon, you couldn't have really thought about anything like that." Elena said softly, remaining where she was to keep her distance from him. "You'd never even _contemplated_ a way around the Cure before. All of you were all worried about other things: Enzo's death, Stefan getting his humanity back, Cade, Sybil, the Hellfire. You had so much on your plate, it's no surprise none of you thought to look. You were too busy working your way through fighting the real problem." Damon sighed in annoyance, not at Elena... but at himself.

"We never really spoke about it." He said, so quietly Elena barely heard it. "Sure, we had a short conversation right after it happened. He was thinking about what to say to Bonnie and I... I never even asked if he was alright, never mind if he wanted to look into a way around it." He continued with a sigh. Elena closed the distance between them then, wrapping her arms around his torso from behind. Damon was going through so much, the least she could do was offer some comfort. Damon tensed, but didn't pull away. Eventually, he relaxed and accepted the embrace.

"We should get out of here until Bonnie calls us." Elena said into Damon's back after a few minute's silence. "Hm?" Damon said. "Go somewhere? Where?" Elena shrugged and let go of her boyfriend so he could turn and face her. "I don't know, just somewhere to get away from here for a little while, where we don't have to think about all of... _this_." There was a pause as they both thought. "How about the lake house? It's not too far from here so we can spend some time there while Bonnie does her research, then come straight back as soon as she finds anything." Damon downed the rest of his bourbon in one mouthful and nodded. "Alright. Meet me at the car, I'm gonna run to the bathroom before we go." 

TVDTVDTVDTDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVD

"It's been a while since I've been here." Damon said as he pulled up outside of the Gilbert lake house. "Me too. Jeremy and I came last Autumn, and me and Rick came down to tidy it a couple of months ago, but we haven't been since." They got out of the car and Elena fished in her bag for the keys, unlocking the door and entering the small home. Damon followed, closing the door as he looked around the room. "Forgot you and Baby Gilbert redecorated." He acknowledged. "Looks good, like the theme." He said as he felt the fabric of one of the window curtains. Elena chuckled at the look on his face at the flowery material. 

"You hate it." She said with a smile, making Damon's grimace come out of hiding and appear openly on his face. "Yes, with every inch of my being. Why did you have to go for a _summer_ theme? There're butterflies and flowers _everywhere_!" He said, gesturing towards the flower printed cushion covers and butterfly shaped coffee, tea and sugar holders. Elena chuckled again and sat on the counter top, also looking around the room. "My mum always wanted a summer theme, this was the one we planned together when I was sixteen. We didn't get to do it before the accident, but Jeremy and I found the drawings when we were clearing out the attic." 

Damon walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her slim waist. "Then, in which case, it looks amazing and I love it." He said adoringly. "Totally not overly-girly or anything." He then added sarcastically, kind of ruining the moment. Elena laughed and kissed him, smiling against his mouth. "Yeah... Jeremy hated it as well." She said, then deepened the kiss. Damon went with it at first but, as things got more heated and Elena's hands started running over his body, he pulled away. "Not right now. Not with everything... going on. As great of a distraction as that would make, I just... not now." Elena gave him a small, soft smile and kissed him lightly. Not in a deep and heated, suggestive way, more of a loving comfort. "It's okay. We don't have to take our clothes off to have fun." 

With that being said, Elena jumped off of the counter, walked over to her bag and pulled out a swimming costume, a pair of swimming trunks and some towels. "I packed these while you were in the bathroom." She held up the towels. "I didn't want to ruin the nice ones here. Damon smiled an actual smile and took the swimming trunks out of her hand. "I'll change in the bathroom." He said. Elena could practically _see_ the excitement shining in his eyes. 

TVDTVDTVDTDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVD

Fifteen minutes later, Damon and Elena were walking towards the lake. There was an area not far from the lake house that had a small beach at the edge of the water. They placed their towels away from the water and laid on top of them, basking in the spring warmth. "Do you really think Bonnie's gonna find anything?" Damon asked after a while. Elena turned onto her right side to face him, propping herself up on her elbow and pointing a finger at him. "No." She said sternly, only half joking. "No talk of vampires or... or _you_ being a vampire, or Bonnie, or magic or _anything like that_ , okay? We are here to relax and have fun and get our minds off of everything for a few hours."

Damon sighed and opened his eyes. "Fine. Then I suggest we actually start having some real fun instead of just lying here getting bored." He said, then promptly stood and took off running towards the lake. Elena laughed as he splashed into it's depths, water spraying everywhere as he waded in so far he was waist-deep. "Come on then!" He called, waving his arm in such gesture. Elena chuckled and ran over to him.

The second she was within range, Damon threw a tidal wave of water at her. Elena coughed and spluttered, wiping her eyes as she heard Damon laughing... actually _laughing_. It was a sound Elena had only ever heard twice: once when Stefan tripped and fell down the stairs about a year before she was put in the coma by Kai and a second when Bonnie spelled Alaric's skin blue because he bought her Bon-Bons for Christmas. But now, Elena was hearing it for a third time.

Nobody ever expected Damon's laugh to be what it was. It was high-pitched and wheezing, almost screaming with mirth every few seconds or so, then catching his breath to do it all over again. Elena laughed with him as she held up her drenched hair. "You _ass_! What did you do that for?" Damon held his ribs as he tried to stop his laughter. He was grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat, and didn't seem to be able to stop. "You're face! Ha ha, that was _amazing_!" 

Elena splashed him back, a smug smirk adorning her features. Damon continued to smile as he wiped his eyes free of the water, then picked Elena up and threw her over his shoulder as he waded deeper into the lake. Elena laughed and slapped his bare back playfully, yelling at him to put her down. "Alright then." Damon said when they were chest-deep in the water. He then started taking her slowly from his shoulder. The 'slowly' only last about three seconds before Damon literally threw her into the lake. 

Elena screamed as she was dunked under its depths, coming back up to the surface and choking on the swallowed lake water. "Damon!" She gasped. Damon was laughing again, doubled over as best he could without dipping his head into the lake. Elena took full advantage of his position and jumped onto his back, successfully plunging the man into the dark water. It was Damon's turn to emerge spluttering as Elena laughed. "You bitch." Damon said jokingly.

The pair splashed and fought for a couple of hours, dunking and splashing each other while they laughed at each other's reactions, then they made their way back to the beach to collapse onto their towels and sip the bottles of Fanta that Elena had brought down with her. "That was great." Damon sighed, laying back on his towel and stretching out. Elena snickered as she rubbed her hair dry. "Yeah. Yeah, it was. Haven't heard you laugh like that in a while." Damon scoffed and closed his eyes, but didn't say anything else.

By the time Elena's hair was dry enough for her liking, Damon was asleep. Elena looked over his sleeping form, smiling as she saw how relaxed he looked compared to how tense he usually was while he was awake. She wished she could take away all the tension from his body, remove the thing that was making the love of her life so worried and anxious. She knew she couldn't, though. She knew it was the nearly three lifetime's worth of deaths, heartbreaks, switch flickings and fears building up and taking its toll. She knew that, after all this time, Damon was still not used to not being able to repress his emotions properly. Elena hated that there was nothing she could do to help her boyfriend, but that was also how Damon preferred it. 

He had become more open with her, especially after Stefan died and she'd been woken up from the coma, but he was still very guarded with certain personal aspects and insecurities. His past was one of them. She didn't know much about what he'd been through, it was mainly stuff Stefan had told her and what she'd found out from others. She knew about the important things, like Augustine and how he'd fought in the civil war. She knew he'd been abused by his father and that his mother had lied to him for over a century. She obviously knew that he'd grown up extremely close to Stefan in the 1800s. But, if she was honest with herself, that was really all she knew. She didn't know much about what had happened in between, like in the 60s and 70s. She barely knew what he used to do for fun, what he studied at college, if he went to school as a boy, who his childhood friends were. 

Elena knew it was picky, but she wanted to know the little things, the little things he knew about her. Like when his first kiss was, who was his first time, what was his favourite pastime growing up, who his idol was; the small things like that. She knew almost everything about his present life, but his past was almost as much a mystery as _he_ used to be. She looked at Damon's sleeping form, at the man who had lived for so long and experienced so much and smiled. 

"You're staring." He said. Elena felt her cheeks redden in a blush: she hadn't realised he'd woken up.   
"I'm gazing." She said. A small smile graced Damon's features, the smirk creeping up his cheek.   
"It's creepy." Elena chuckled, brushing a stray hair out of his face. 

"It's romantic." Damon opened his eyes and smirked at his girlfriend, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into him. "How long was I out?" He said into her shoulder. 

"Not long, about an hour." Elena replied, running her hands through his damp black locks as he sighed and adjusted his position. Elena laid on top of him, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes, inhaling his soothing, familiar scent. They laid in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company. That was, however, until they jumped up with small screams as the tide reached their feet. Neither of them had realised it was early evening.

"Come on, we'd better get back to the house before it gets dark." Elena said, picking up her bag and towel, stuffing both hers and Damon's into it before striding up the small beach an beginning the short walk back to the lake house. Damon followed behind, whistling a song Elena had never heard before- a fact she pointed out to him. "It was one I learnt in the 1800s. We use to sing it in school." Elena smiled at him in surprise, taking his hand in hers and bathing in this new knowledge of Damon's past. "School?" Damon smirked at her. 

"Yup." He said, popping he 'p'. "1853, teachers forced us to sing it nearly every damn morning. Guess it kinda stuck with me." Elena chuckled and swung their conjoined hands back and forth as Damon continued whistling.

TVDTVDTVDTDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVDTVD

"That was a crap film." Elena looked at him over her shoulder, mock outrage on her face as she took _Twilight_ out of the DVD player. "What?" I thought you'd like it!" She said. Damon scowled at her, but it was ruined by his half-hidden smirk. "It depicts vampires _terribly_! We _burn_ in the sun, not _sparkle_." Elena giggled and pulled out _Twilight: New Moon_. "It has a volume _two_? No. No way, that's where I draw the line. Put _Top Gun_ on, that's at least a decent movie." Elena sighed, but took the DVD out of the drawer.

About half way through the movie, Elena's phone rang from across the room. Damon and Elena both sighed irritably at the interruption. "Do you have to get it?" Damon said lowly.   
"No." Elena replied. "But it could be Bonnie." At that, they both stood up and Elena picked up her phone while Damon paused the film.

"Well, who is it?" He asked.

"Damon, it's Bonnie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Okay, that's another chapter! If you want to hear "Damon's" laugh, watch 'Katherine Pierce Bloopers' on YouTube XD Anyways, hope you enjoyed that chapter, the next should be up within the next few days. Reviews welcome as always.**   
>  **Cheers, Isaac :)) ******

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews welcome :))


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